


Even in my next life

by VanillaKiss



Category: BTOB
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Character Death, M/M, Reincarnation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-28
Updated: 2019-01-28
Packaged: 2019-10-18 01:41:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17571899
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VanillaKiss/pseuds/VanillaKiss
Summary: In a world full of soulmates, sometimes it happens that you fall for the wrong person. Fate decides who your soulmate is, and you can’t do anything against Fate’s will.But what happens if you go against it?





	Even in my next life

**Author's Note:**

> for day4 of iljaeweek2019january

In a world full of soulmates, sometimes it happens that you fall for the wrong person. Fate decides who your soulmate is, and you can’t do anything against Fate’s will. There isn't any stronger bond than the bond between soulmates. Or it’s not supposed to be. 

A soulmate is someone who's going to be with you for a lifetime. And if, for some reason, you can't find them in your current life, you get another chance in an other life. In other words, you keep living new and new lives until you find your soulmate. If you find your soulmate, then that’s your last life. That's why some people had more than one lives while others had only one. 

But what happens if you go against Fate's will? If you don't want to live with your soulmate? If you love someone more than your soulmate and decide to spend your life with them instead of your soulmate? It’s easy. Fate will tear you two apart. Again and again. You can't escape from it, no matter how many times you try. 

But living life after life, fighting against Fate, fighting for a love that should have never happened… Is it really worth it? Wouldn't it be easier to just live with the one Fate chose for you? Even if you don't love them… 

Living life after life… It’s exhausting. And you can’t end it, even if you try. Fate won't let you end it. Fate wants you to suffer as long as it's needed; for choosing someone on your own. You have to be obedient. 

Living life after life… Because you love someone else… Not thinking about your soulmate… It’s selfish, right? No matter how much you love them, they can never be yours. 

 

I

“Too bad we aren’t soulmates.” Sungjae said with a sad smile. “Do you know your soulmate?”

“No. I’m here because I was looking for them. Never thought I would find someone else instead.” Ilhoon grabbed his beer. They just met but they were too drunk so now Ilhoon was sitting on Sungjae’s lap. They were at a bar, drinking beer while being sad because neither of them had found their soulmate. They met there and started talking and drinking and somehow ended up in the bathroom where they almost had a quickie. 

“Hyung, do you want to find them? Your soulmate?” Sungjae asked, eyes full of hope. 

“No.” Ilhoon shook his head. “Why are you asking?”

“Well, we could just be together. I don’t care what Fate wants.”

“You’re being selfish. Think about your soulmate.”

“No one died because they couldn’t find their soulmate.” Sungjae insisted. “Who knows, maybe they also found someone else, that's why they don’t bother to find us.”

“I heard you can’t die until you find your soulmate.”

“Okay, so we just have to find them in the next life, right? Or how does it work?”

“I don’t know. I’m not even sure if that’s true.”

“Look, I think this whole soulmate concept exist for one reason.”

“What reason?”

“To make it easier to find someone you can live with until you die.”

“If that would be the reason, you wouldn’t be as attached to your soulmate as you are. You wouldn’t feel that connection in your heart.”

“You’re not my soulmate but I still feel that connection.”

“Sungjae, please. We’re drunk.”

“What if we’re actually soulmates?”

“But we aren’t. And you know that. We would feel it.”

“Yes, I know. But I still think it’s bullshit. Fate can’t do anything against us. Let’s forget about our soulmates.” Sungjae pulled Ilhoon closer. “You know it happens, right?”

“What do you mean?”

“People who aren’t soulmates fall in love with each other.” He leaned closer. 

Ilhoon closed his eyes. “But can we really do this?”

“Yes.” Sungjae closed the space between them and kissed the other boy. 

It was nice. Finally finding someone who you truly love and truly care about. They rented a small apartment, Sungjae found a job in a near bookstore and Ilhoon started working in a bakery. It was perfect. They enjoyed every moment of it. 

But they weren’t soulmates. Fate couldn’t let them be together. It was obvious that they didn’t want to find their real soulmates anymore. And Fate didn’t like this. 

On the day, when Sungjae finally decided to propose to Ilhoon, he died. He was hit by a car while he was on his way to the bakery. After that, Ilhoon lived his life alone. 

 

II

In their next life, they met again. And it happened before they could meet their real soulmates. Sungjae was heading home after a dinner with his colleagues, Ilhoon went to buy coffee. They met in the street. When their eyes met, they remembered everything. How they were looking for their soulmates but ended up together in a bar. They remembered how they fell for each other, how they decided to give up on their soulmates. They remembered that small apartment, the bookstore, the bakery. Sungjae remembered buying the ring and how excited he was. Ilhoon remembered the pain he felt after they told him what happened to Sungjae. 

“It’s you.” Sungjae whispered. 

“Sungjae? Sungjae, is it really you?” Ilhoon teared up and reached out to touch the other man. “Sungjae, tell me I’m not dreaming.”

“You’re not dreaming, Ilhoon hyung.” Sungjae answered, tears streaming down his face. 

“Sungjae, I-”

“I forgot about you, hyung. I forgot about my previous life.” Sungjae sobbed. 

“Me too.” He hugged the boy. “I thought I lost you. You died, Sungjae. I remember everything now. It was hell after you left. I didn’t want to find my soulmate anymore, I just wanted to be with you again.”

“I wanted to propose to you. On that day.” Sungjae said quietly. “I wanted to live with you until the end.”

A loud sob was heard. “You wanted to…?” 

“Yes.” Sungjae put his chin on Ilhoon’s shoulder. “I loved you, hyung. And I still do.”

“Me too, Sungjae.”

They went to the coffee shop Ilhoon wanted to go. They talked about their current life and the reason why they're back again when they should have already been dead. 

On that night, after they parted, Sungjae died again when someone tried to rob him. 

 

III

Sungjae was a high school student in his next life. His father was the headmaster and also a very rich and influential man. Sungjae couldn't remember his previous lives again. He spent his days waiting for his soulmate. He was still young, 16 years old. But he was too excited and couldn't wait to meet them. 

He was sitting in the car, looking out of the window. He had a driver who always took him to school. His driver was already in his forties, still waiting for his soulmate.

“I heard that if you don’t find your soulmate, you get a new chance. Actually, you can’t die until you find them.” Sungjae said, deep in thoughts. “What do you think, how many lives have you lived so far?”

“I don’t know. I hope it’s the first.” The driver said, eyes on the road. “And you? How many lives have you lived so far?”

“I don’t know. Maybe this is my first. But it can be my fourth or fifth.” Sungjae laughed. “What happens if someone never finds their soulmate?”

“I don’t know. But I heard there are people who fell in love with the wrong person and choose not to find their real soulmate.”

“Maybe you were like that, too! Or me.”

“I hope I wasn’t like that. I heard that if someone gives up on looking for their soulmate and choose to live with someone else, then Fate tears them apart by killing them.”

“Why would Fate kill them?”

“Because they chose their partner. It’s against Fate’s will. By killing them, they get a new chance to find the real soulmate.”

Sungjae sighed. “Fate is cruel.”

And in that exact moment, as Sungjae was looking out of the car window, he saw a boy coming out of the house and passing by the car. His heart started hurting. And he remembered. 

“Ilhoon hyung.”

“Sungjae, are you okay?” The driver asked worriedly. “Why are you crying?”

“I’m okay.” He said. “I just remembered something.”

It was Ilhoon. He was 100% sure. On the next day, he decided to talk to him. He waited in front of his house before school started. Ilhoon was supposed to be at home. 

When the door opened, Sungjae’s heart shrank. It was Ilhoon. Ilhoon was standing in front of him, the same boy he loved so dearly in his previous lives. And in this life, too. 

“Sungjae? Sungjae, is that you?” Ilhoon asked, crying. 

“It’s me, hyung.” Sungjae nodded. “I missed you.”

Now that they found each other again, they were happy. They didn’t care about their soulmates anymore. They still remembered the first time they met. It was so nice, it was perfect. They wished they could go back to that time and relive that life again.

It seemed that this life was going to be like the first one. Happy. But almost two months after they met again, Ilhoon died on his class trip. 

 

IV

In their next life, they met at a meeting. Ilhoon was a music producer. He was asked to help debut a new solo singer. Sungjae was nervous when he arrived. But when he locked eyes with the music producer, he felt at ease at first, then memories attacked his mind. Memories of his previous lives. Memories of his music producer. 

“Sungjae?” Ilhoon stood up, eyes full of sadness. 

“Ilhoon hyung.” Sungjae smiled. “Hi, again.”

Sungjae stayed to talk to his music producer after the meeting. But they didn’t say anything actually. They kissed. They kissed like their life depended on it. 

“I missed you, Sungjae.” Ilhoon said between two kisses. “I missed you so much.”

“Me too, hyung.” 

They started recording Sungjae’s songs on the next week. His debut was close, he had less than two months. In the meantime, they moved together. They didn’t act like a new couple, they continued their relationship from their previous lives. 

They were happy. Sungjae’s debut was a success, everyone loved his debut song. And not just the debut song. His whole album was successful. He started also promoting on music shows. 

“I’m glad you could join me today!” Sungjae and Ilhoon were in the car, on their way to the music show recording. 

“I’m sorry I couldn't be with you on your first three music shows.” Ilhoon said, holding Sungjae’s hand. 

“It’s okay. You’re here with-”

The driver suddenly stopped the car but it was already too late. Everyone in that car died in the accident. 

 

V

They met on the street in their next life. Sungjae just finished shopping and Ilhoon was heading home after a tiring shift. They immediately recognized each other. 

It was the same as always; crying, hugging, kissing, whispering ‘I miss you’s and ‘I love you’s. 

“Why does it keep happening every time? Is it because we’re not soulmates?” Ilhoon asked.

“I don’t know.” Sungjae said but then he remembered what his driver told him in one of his previous lives. “I heard that if two people who aren’t soulmates fell for each other and stop looking for their real soulmates, Fate kills them.”

“What?!”

“Yes, because it’s against Fate’s will. So by killing us, Fate gives us a new chance to find our real soulmate.”

“But-” Ilhoon stroked Sungjae’s cheeks. “So I have to lose you every time I get you back?”

Sungjae nodded. “We can’t be together.”

“I don’t care what Fate wants. I want you.”

“I want you, too.”

On the next day, Ilhoon died while he was painting his parents’ bedroom. He fell off the ladder. 

 

VI 

Ilhoon was a waiter in a fast food restaurant in his next life. It happened there while he was working. He noticed Sungjae who was reading a book at his table. 

Ilhoon hesitated. If he goes there now, at least one of them dies in the near future. The longest time they spent together was in their first life. It lasted more than three years. He missed those times. He missed that small apartment, he missed the bookstore but not the bakery. Sungjae died when he was on his way to the bakery. 

He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. In the end, he went there. Even if he knew he would regret it later. 

“Hi, Sungjae.”

The boy looked up. They eyes met. The memories came back. It hurt. It hurt more and more. The more memories they had, the more painful it was. It was killing them deep inside. 

“Ilhoon hyung. It’s you again.”

Ilhoon sat down on a chair. “Sungjae, why is it that we meet each other sooner every time than we meet that damn soulmate?!”

“Have you ever met your soulmate? In your previous lives?”

Ilhoon shook his head. “Never. Do they even exist?”

“I wouldn’t be surprised if they never existed in the first place. I can’t believe it’s not just a fucking game which Fate enjoys a little too much.”

They talked a few minutes but Ilhoon had to work. This time they weren’t sure if they want to try again. Bringing those memories with them without being aware of this and suddenly being overflowed by them when they meet again and again is too painful. Remembering everything, and not just the good things. Remembering how they lost each other in every life. Remembering how they lived after losing the other. The pain, the loneliness. It was too much. Yes, the happy memories were there, too. And they wished they could only remember those, but they both knew it wasn’t this easy. They wanted the other to be happy. So they had to let go. 

This time, they had more time together. Almost an entire year. Then Ilhoon died. He was shot by a robber on his workplace. 

 

VII

It happened again in their last life, too. But this time, while they were passing by each other, only Sungjae noticed Ilhoon. He remembered everything. It happened fast, he could have called Ilhoon and tell him he missed him. But even if he did, it didn't matter.

He didn’t say anything. 

That was the last time they met. That was the last life they lived.


End file.
